Since young, I have limited time spent with my dad because as the main breadwinner of the family, he worked so hard for the living of our family of 4. We don’t have close relationship because we have limited time spent together, my memory with him during my childhood is very limited. For the past 30 over years, every day he left home at 5am and come back home only at night around 10pm. Most of the time I was already slept when he was home. He was trying his every best to provide us shelter, food, clothing, and the necessities of life.
My dad worked as coconuts distributor, he collected coconuts from the supplier in plantation area then distribute to local market such as wholesalers, restaurants, grocery stores, and roadside stalls around city. Normally he was exposing under the hot sun whole day long when transferring the coconuts to his lorry then distributing those coconuts to the buyers.
Our relationship became worse when my mum passed away in year 2004. It was my 2nd year in university. He had a new partner 4months after my mum passed away. I was so upset and heartbroken with him, I felt betrayed! Since then, I stayed out and hardly went home. My grudge and hatred towards him is very extreme. At some nights, I even cursed him and told myself that I will not attend his funeral if…if he died now!
My encounter with Soka Gakkai in year 2010 has changed my thought and transformed the situation. As a Buddhist practitioner, I have been taught about the value of FAMILY. I moved back to stay together with him, it was almost 8 years after I stayed out from this house. It was so awkward at the beginning…
Our relationship became better after I married and have kids 6 years back. But deep in my heart, I still can’t forget about my grudge and feeling towards the incident in 2004 but chose to suppress and ignore this memory.
Lately, this memory has been brought up during the recent learning encounter in GMF Fellowship about “making sense of human cruelty”. It was an eye-opening journey for me to learn about the human cruelty. This has allowed me to ponder about what makes a person so cruel. Is cruelty a human trait? At the same time, I had my self-reflection as well, it makes me feel sorry with what I have done to my dad over the years. I realized that my action of ignoring him for so many years can be considered part of the cruelty action. How can I do this to him? Was I happy for treating him like that? The answer is "NO".
Last month, my dad was diagnosed of having early stage of skin cancer. The main cause is the SUN, which he has been exploring too much due to work. This can also be explained that he has this cancer because of the love he has towards the family. He has been contributed almost his whole life for us to live in better environment and for me to finish my study in university. How can I treat him like that previously just because that I disagree with him for having new partner?
I must repent and promise that I will accompany him throughout his treatment.
Dad, I will pray for your recovery and health so that we can have more time spending together the rest of your life...SHALL WE?